December 29, 2008
As a corporate coach, I recently counseled a competitive athlete, an executive woman who struggled with that annoying shameful habit of smoking. It was a private relationship she had with this substance, this experience, and she was finally ready to call it quits. Here she modeled the virtues of health publically, but at the end of the day she relished those few quiet minutes alone with her “filthy friend” as she called it.
She told me in excruciating detail her last moments after she decided once and for all, that was it, it’s over.
She wet down the tobacco in the sink (she knew if she just threw it in the dumpster she’d dig for it later) and then spontaneously mulched it into the garden as a ceremoniously ‘goodbye and recycle yourself’ ritual. She did not realize how good she felt until she skipped her way to the door where a smile appeared in the reflection of the mirror.
It confirmed for me much of our human satisfaction in this life is simply the commitments we make to ourselves and others, and our ability to follow through. I wonder if ultimately our ability to change, is actually grounded in the commitments we make to ourselves.
Addiction has become a dirty word. But the best definition for me is simply something I can’t stop doing. That could be a lot of things – work, food, anger, stress, negative patterned thinking. For me anymore it’s about any insidious thinking that holds me back from living my biggest life.
Letting go of bad habits and addictions is liberating, especially ones that are kept in secret and commit us to a life of incongruity. When we do let go, we can trust in what follows– the sense of renewal and hope for something better.
For the New Year in a new world, it feels good to change. Obama gave up smoking too, and look what happened to him.
Kendall Colman, Denver, CO
www.colmancoaching.com
